Dear Drew,
The answer is simply but I will take two pages to write it, or maybe five. Happiness is feelings of joy, peace, bliss, mirth, elation, etc. that come from within you. Some people say that you can meditate on happiness and become happier but this is wrong. Meditating on happiness does not make you anymore happy than meditating on piles of money will procure a “Benjamin” bath full of one-hundred dollar bills. There are things that make you happy so meditate on those if you want to become happier.
So I clearly state that we must recognize what we are grateful for to be happy. So if I hear any one of you complaining about how unhappy you are I will not take pity on you. If your uncle died or you broke your foot I will ignore you! Perhaps you forgot that you are not dead? Or that your other foot is perfectly well? Or that you are still breathing after that insignificant car crash that left you paralyzed from the hips down? You’re still breathing. Are you not grateful that you are still breathing? Now I must state with all seriousness that true happiness comes from the immutable and all powerful creator that blesses you with world domination and power. So the next time you are feeling down in the dumps just think: “I’m so happy for Bronson!” I always feel better when I say it. Just say it with me right now: “I’m so happy for Bronson!” Now if you repeat this ten times a day for a month you will begin to feel better about your nice but unguided life. For a greater feeling of happiness, repeat the following four times a day: “I’m so happy for Bronson! I will give him a back rub!” or “I’m so happy for Bronson! I will give him a ten dollar bill!” I actually wrote a book on happiness which addresses this in detail. The book title is called “The Bronson Pill: It’s like Magic!” It’s $9.99 in book stores and a little extra if you have it shipped. I leave you with a great quote from the great theologian and philosopher Calvin Hobbes: "Happiness isn’t good enough for me. I demand Euphoria.” I hope that answers your question Drew and I hope you can depend on me for all your happiness.
- My beautiful and immortal conspirators,
Bronson Whitmore
