Dear Andy,
If the Devil appeared in front of me and gave me 3 wishes, as long as they were not good, I would wish for 3 unspeakable, horrifically sadistic things that couldn't be whispered is the ears of rational and moral beings without dying of shock and horror.
My first wish would be, you guessed it, TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION! (Complements to Jack Anderson) This would include 12 mandatory prayer breaks for the whole planet to worship yours truly. I would have a special police force tasked at collecting extra money that people don’t need. I don’t want people to have all this extra money and not do anything with it. That’s just inefficient. Also, I would build a water slide off my castle on top of Mount Everest so I could slide into the Indian Ocean. I would have drained the Indian Ocean and filled it with chocolate pudding and Swedish fish so that I don’t hurt myself when I hit the water.
My second wish would be that I was surrounded by scantily clad women all the time. These women not only would be sexy, but also fierce, warrior-looking babes, commanded by none other than Scarlett Johansson, Warrior Queen of Doom and Sexiness. Of course Scarlett Johansson is head over heels for me because of my charming and friendly nature. I would call these women “Bronson's Super Sexy Warrior Babes of Doom and Sexiness”. They execute people on my sacrificial alter with their Sexy Glance Power. I would be immune to their Sexy Glance power, but only to the point where I don’t die. Also, Bronson's Super Sexy Warriors [...](The editor suggested I cut here)
My Third wish, unlike my first two wishes, would be purely selfish. My last wish would be to have the power to snap my fingers and have everyone's heads instantaneously explode in a violent act of bloody randomness. After I'm finished rolling on the floor with laughter I snap my fingers again and everyone's heads regenerate. This is my back up wish in case my 10 mile water slide or my Super Sexy Warrior Babes of Doom and Sexiness get boring.
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